Good friends and family know this, but I am bad at email. Like chronically bad. If you have tried to email me, you know this too and you either never got a reply or received one 9-months later starting with the phrase, “Sorry.”

I am truly sorry… but also I’m not. It’s a function of who I am.

I was never great at email, but in a slower time before social media it raptured my attention. I would habitually refresh my inbox hoping for a long range communication from a friend or stranger. When I was homesick in Japan, a good email (or AIM chat) could turn my day around. I have fond memories of email and its unparalleled ability to connect me to other people through a single address. It of course would never be as familiar or intimate as scribing a hand-written calligraphic letter with a big feather pen, but it proved a fine substitute.

At Paravel, I noticed that emails had a propensity to crash into my day with some new urgent task. A ding, a red badge, a bouncing icon in the dock. Could be a client or my accountant; something that required me to stop what I was doing and switch over to their need. Frank once described emails as (paraphrasing) “a to-do you send to someone else” and that resonated in my soul. For someone with an attention regulation disorder, intermittent distractions like email (or chats) can be devastating to staying focused on the work I actually need to finish.

Email being disruptive to your productivity must be a pretty common phenomenon because nearly all the productivity books out there –and I’ve read them all– attempt to “solve” productivity by turning off your notifications and checking your email less.

I must have really taken this advice to heart because I almost never check my email anymore. After a long day of expending dopamine on work, the last thing I want to do at home is check my personal email and receive more to-dos from strangers. I tend to check my personal email now once a week… or less.

Inbox Zero is a fool’s errand for me, but I try to keep my work email groomed and as close to zero as possible. Part of that was because I started with a blank slate and could actually succeed. Each morning I make an analog to-do for myself to check my work email. I set up some priority inboxing and auto-deletes for org-level notifications. Importantly, work email stays sequestered to my work laptop.

But despite the success at work, I’m sitting at nearly 500+ unreads in my personal Inbox. It doesn’t feel great and feels like a monumental task now. Since starting at Large Company I know of at least two conferences that I’ve missed out on speaking at because I’m so bad at email (sorry, PPK). If you’ve ever wondered why I don’t have a contact form on my site or do that cool “email me, let’s be friends” link in my RSS footer, this is why… because I feel shame that I will disappoint you.

There’s also the diminishing utility of email. As with phone calls and texts, the amount of spam and noise has ruined the service. It’s a needle in a haystack to find the one good email that actually deserves your attention. Just because we participated in online commerce once doesn’t mean you get the liberty to email me for the rest of my life. I wish there were more laws about this.

When did a ten drip email campaign for every online transaction become the standard? You bought an item → Item is getting ready to ship → Want another item? → Item shipped → Need more items? → Item out for delivery → The holidays are coming up → Package delivered → Let us know how we did → Mother’s day coming up → Father’s day coming up → Step-father’s day coming up → etc… It’s entirely too much.

And the grifter slop… oh, my God the grifter slop!

Hey Dave,

I came across your now-defunct company Luro. Design systems is an interesting space. Would you like to increase Luro users by six billion percent through spam email blasts? We can help.

Chad, CEO

I will never reply to this and–

Dave,

I thought I’d follow up in case you missed the last email. I’m a fucking robot obviously but we can have a conversation about this.

Chad, CEO

Grifters, spend six minutes crafting a real email and I promise you it will convert better. Or have an actual fucking product that is so good I hear about it from other people. You are one of five hundred anonymous Chads in my inbox, this pickup line doesn’t work anymore.

Along those lines… Democrats, sending text messages doesn’t work anymore. I got AOC, Nancy Pelosi, Beto, and even Raphael Warnock’s grandma texting me every other day and it makes you look broke and desperate like a friend I’m gonna need to bail out of jail again. Capture me with ideas.

That’s how I feel about email. And text messages. And phone calls. And social media. Once upon a time it had utility, now it’s all noise and grifter slop demanding our attention and giving us to-dos. Be hotter, be smarter, be more liberal, be more productive, be more, be more, be more.

Oh, and I underpaid my taxes and owe the government $5400. That was the email I missed.