4:05am
The windows are open, hoping to capture the faint winds and convert them into a mythical cooling cross-breeze. A gust passes through vacuuming all the doors shut, cancelling hope for a miracle.
I’m awake. It’s cool but I’m on top of the covers and not cool enough.
The plastic thump-thump-thump of the oscillating fan reaching the end of its arc is rhythmic yet not. After three-to-six attempts, it yields to the resistance and heads the other way. It will be back soon.
Another fan in the room sounds like a far off propeller plane looping around the property. I await its arrival at each approach.
The alleyway ebbs and flows throughout the night with the smell of marijuana smoke, teens cussing, and the clinking of bottles as passers-by rummage through recycling bins.
There’s a sick child in the other room. My child. Been sick for days, poor thing. On antibiotics now. Spit the first dose on the floor because she didn’t like the taste.
I can hear her labored breath as different subconscious systems battle for what they deem as comfortable. Warm, yet shivering. Cold, yet burning up. Asleep, yet aware.
My wife is there next to her. Also sick with a persistent unspecified cough.
Since arriving at the rental three days ago, I have only left the house to buy medicine and wine.

7:23am
Scuttling in the alleyway. Two voices. A truck starts. A woman pleads, “I’m sorry, I fucked up.” The truck drives off.
I put on a pot of coffee.

9:15am
Left the rental to walk and pick up breakfast. Peeked at the ocean to remind myself of the magnitude. I’m a block away but hadn’t seen it in days.
I got a breakfast burrito. The potatoes were a little al dente, but it had black beans and wasn’t a soupy mess so I call that a win.
PCR tests came back and it’s not Covid and it’s not strep, but we don’t have any answer for what sickness(es?) our family is dealing with.
I’m on vacation but it’s not quite vacation anymore.
I’m working a bit. Dysfunctional but I appreciate a place to channel anxiety.
Caretaking is much harder than computer work.

4:46pm
We made it to the beach. Wife and son thought it was too windy for my solar shade —and it was— but I persevered. After naysaying me they had the audacity to want to join me in my solar fortress. Haha. Nice try.
My congested little one made me pretend food with wet sand. She’s allowed to join me in my fortress.
We left as the tide came in and ordered pizza. The pizza was just okay.

9:44pm
A good day. A long day.
Another member of the family is reporting a sore throat, so that’s less than ideal.
“When this vacation is over I’m going to need another vacation,” the protagonist says looking directly through the fourth wall. The canned laughter erupts.
Do wells of rage fill up faster than waters of peace? Am I broken or is the underlying system broken?

5:32am
Awakened by two crows squawking at each other.
I went to bed after midnight. A new day begins.