The following is an accurate account of me listening to any song by The Police:

“Aw, hell yeah. The Police. Turn it up.”

“Huh. This guitar. Rrrrrough.”

“Chorus pedals.”

“So um. Are The Police a good rock band or a shitty reggae band?”

“What is up with this drummer? The last measure is super crammed and sorta all over the place. But I can’t tell if this is good drumming or bad drumming so I better just nod and make cool faces when it gets weird.”

“Was that a harmonica?”

“These guys are all blonde and look like eachother huh.”

“Whoah. What’s this song actually about?”

It’s neat that The Police hits tend to have an unexpected twist. “Every Breath You Take” is a devotional about stalking someone. “Roxanne” is a powerfully emotive song about falling in love with a prostitute. “So Lonely” is a quite upbeat song about being lonely, broken-hearted, and depressed. In “Message in a Bottle” he’s not rescued by sending out an S.O.S. but instead receives millions of messages from other castaways.